so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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