I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
