if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
