I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
