to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize