I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
