No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
