wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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