god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
