even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
