so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm drive I can fine osifer
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
