Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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