I think I won the penis lottery.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
