All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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