i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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