Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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