farters have to be the big spoon...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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