I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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