Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
