She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You ruined the universe
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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