There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Help. Why am I so naked?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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