so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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