i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
