We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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