i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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