well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
