I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
