I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
