8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize