I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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