the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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