can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
