thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
