i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize