their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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