if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
