we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Your penis caused this!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
