I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
