I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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