we have officially lost it.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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