What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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