Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
