So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
