I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
and she was petting her beer can
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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