We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
