My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
