Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
