I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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