margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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