tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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