Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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