u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
