He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
