What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
