This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
