The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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