East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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