Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
