just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
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