you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
