i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
