Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
