I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
