well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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