That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
