She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
