I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
