My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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