I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
