Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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