uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
