I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
