Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
