obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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