all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Damn victory sex feels great
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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