he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
