whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
