There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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