Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
